The quiet tranquility of The Watering Hole, so recently broken by Colton Charles Cai Cobb has just recently returned. Music is playing, people are drinking, and chips are falling. Overall, it’s a good time. However, like all good things, it was to come to an end. Suddenly, the door to the bar flies open as a man runs in.
Frantic man: “Holy shit! You guys aren’t going to believe this!”
The patrons of the bar look at one another in an annoyed fashion.
Pool Player: “What is it this time? Seen another Unicorn?”
The patrons laugh as the frantic man shakes his head.
Frantic man: “No, worse! This man was like an animal! Every dick he saw, he punched! I mean it, there was no dick left unpunched!”
Pool Player: “What the hell? Are you high again?”
Frantic man: “Listen to me! Guys were just running like crazy in every direction, cupping their balls! All I heard was the sound of grown men crying! It was a terrible scene too; it was just dicks and balls everywhere! I’m not even kidding dude, it was a dick massacre!”
Before anyone has a chance to speak, the door flings open as a man steps into the bar. The frantic man raises an arm and points at him.
Frantic man: “That’s him! That’s –Ugh!”
Before the frantic man could finish, the new guy dropped to his knees and punched the frantic man right in the dick. The frantic man falls to the floor, curling around his injured reproduction organ. The bartender looks worried enough to ask him a question.
Bartender: “Sir, are you alright?”
Frantic man: “No! My dick…it’s been killed!”
The other patrons don’t ask questions however. The pool player swings at the dick puncher, but he ducks it before punching him in the dick as well! The bouncer walks towards the dick puncher, but gets a kick in-between the legs for his trouble. Another patron spins the dick puncher around, but gets a thumb to the eye before receiving a kick to the balls.
Bartender: “Will someone get this asshole out of here!”
Despite the bartender’s pleas, no one moves. They have seen four men go down to this man, and now they aren’t too eager to have their reproductive organs broken as well. But the dick puncher doesn’t have that same hesitation. He walks over to another patron, grabs his beer, and smashes it over his head. As the patron falls to the floor, the dick puncher stomps on the man’s genitals. The other patrons decide to take action again. Three of them advance towards the dick puncher, but he’s prepared. He blocks a punch before judo tossing one of them through a nearby table. The dick puncher kicks another man’s knee out before grabbing his head and throwing into the groin of the third man. The dick puncher than punches each of the men’s dicks as the other patrons start to run out of the bar. The dick puncher grabs one of the running men and gives him a hard punch to the dick as a cop opens the door to the bar.
Cop: “Sir, you have to come with me.”
The dick puncher continues to punch the man’s dick as he talks to the cop.
Dick Puncher: “Hold on officer, this man’s dick isn’t dead enough. I’m trying to punch it to China.”
The Dick Puncher begins to sing a song as he continues to punch the man’s dick.
Dick Puncher: “That used to be where your dick was, but now it’s just a mushy pile of blood.”
As the cop approaches, the dick puncher suddenly turns and lunges, punching the cop right in the balls.
Dick Puncher: “Boop!”
The dick puncher turns and starts walking towards the door as the cop falls to the floor. The scene that greets him when he opens the door would be enough to make any other man run, but not the Dick Puncher. In front of him are five police cruisers with police officers behind them taking careful aim with their guns.
Police Chief: “Jefferson Saint, you are under arrest for...”
Before the chief can finish, Jefferson Saint suddenly runs towards the police force as the camera cuts to a black screen. A yell is heard as a dick is presumably punched. More yells follow as guns start being shot. This carnage lasts for just a few seconds until the scene dies down to just the sounds of grown men sobbing. The camera comes back to look at the face of Jefferson Saint.
Jefferson Saint: “This is just the beginning. I’ve got a contract with Full Throttle Wrestling, and now the police know to stay the hell away from me. Pretty soon, there will be no dick left standing. Sara McClellan, you will be mine! I’ll be the only person left on this planet with reproductive organs soon enough, and then, you’ll have to go out with me! Buwhahahahaha! This is population control at his finest, bitches! The 12th precinct no longer exists, there is no man or woman who can stop The Reproduction Killer!”
Laughing maliciously, Jefferson Saint drops down and punches the cameraman in-between the legs, causing the camera to fall to the floor and break, ending the scene.
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